Lipstick for goats

Lipstick for goats

Saturday, 4 February 2017

Escapees from goat Alcatraz in Braidwood

Over the past number of weeks there have been large numbers of escapees from Braidwood Maximum Security Goat Gaol.

The Warden is dumbfounded over these bids for freedom, particularly as these goats
were placed in a refurbished cell with new high grade fencing and the inclusion of excellent and abundant rations and the inmates have always been treated with love and affection.

Although so many escaped they decided home was a far better option than being on the run and meekly came back, only to do a runner again a week later. 

One has to question why?

When inmate Missy was interviewed she claimed innocence, explaining they were invited by a pig to a picnic in the valley behind and as they did come back on dusk she did not believe they were attempting an escape.

On further inspection the prison officers discovered bouncing and snorting visitors from the outside were spreading sedition, claiming life was greener on the other side and encouraging the goats to escape by their tunnels dug under the fence.  Wombats joined their cause enlarging the tunnels with ease. These pouched and bristled visitors were upset at the loss of access to previously free range land.

'Are you trying to keep me out lady? Good luck with that one!"

The third escape was discovered with dismay. 

From the prison tower one could make out on the horizon a sea of white, seemingly floating down the road, followed by a car. A neighbour had detected them and foiled their complete getaway.

It is possible only a short time had elapsed since this breakout as the inmates appeared very unhappy at not being able to enjoy the vegetation along the road, therefore decided to rebel against the warden by running helter skelter down the warden’s driveway via the open gate, ripping out vegetation, snapping young tree trunks like they were match sticks and eating anything green in sight. 

This riot only lasted five minutes before the guards managed to get the prisoners under control but within that time much devastation to the drive way trees was caused. The warden thought she was going to have a mild heart attack, this being the second attempt to destroy the trees.


Security on the boundary fences has been upgraded.


Further insurrection may carry the penalty of goat stew.